Before I announce the winner of my little giveaway I just want to thank everyone who left a lovely comment on my last post. I appreciate every single one, your comments always mean such a lot to me and even more so at the moment. I've received such a lot of support from my friends here in Blogland.
It will be six weeks tomorrow since my mum died and I'm feeling worse and worse every day. Some guides tell you there are five stages to grief, some say seven and some say twelve. Whatever, I'm working my way through those stages in text book fashion and I'm now at the Depression, Loneliness and Reflection stage. It's hard going, I can tell you. I had a really bad weekend after A Final Goodbye and my dad did too, that makes it doubly hard for me. I know what he's going through because I'm going through it too, but there's nothing whatsoever that I can do to make things easier, it's just a matter of time for us both before we get to the acceptance stage, how long this will take I've no idea and it could be different for us both.
As I've said before, my mum was suffering from dementia in the last few years of her life and in some ways I thought I was prepared for her death, but I really wasn't. Even after she died I thought I'd got a handle on things, everyone was telling me how well I was taking it, and I believed them. That's just one of the first stages of grief though, denial. This doesn't mean that you deny your loved one has died, it just means that you deny your emotions. I didn't realise that's what I was doing but I obviously was. I'm at the stage now where I just can't keep my emotions in check, it's weird to be walking round a supermarket and burst into tears but I just can't help it. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life as I'm doing at the moment and I want to stop, I really do, but I just can't, it's terrible. Loneliness is another thing I'm feeling. I've got a close and loving family but I feel so lonely, I know it's because my lovely mum is missing from my life but I just can't shake off this feeling.
Anyway, I think the best thing for me at the moment is to try and get on with life and that's why I'm still blogging through this sad time. I don't think I've ever shared my feelings so much in the past and I realise that these recent posts are quite personal, but please don't feel you have to comment, I'm certainly not writing how I'm feeling for sympathy but it's quite cathartic in a way.
Thank you to everyone who entered my giveaway to win Casting Off by P I Paris.
I pulled a name out of the hat this morning and the winner is Debbie from Fairy Bluebell's Craft Adventure. Can you please let me have your name and address details so that I can get the book sent out to you. You can find my email address by clicking on my name at the top of the sidebar.
I wish I had more than one copy of this book to give away as there were quite a few entries, but as I said before, I can thoroughly recommend it so if you fancy having a read why not see if there's a copy in your local library?
Thanks again to everyone for entering.