First of all I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has left comments on my recent posts, sent emails and messages, and beautiful cards, they've all been so very much appreciated. I've been overwhelmed by the kindness of my friends here in Blogland, some of whom I've met in the past and others who I've never met in person but I count as very special friends nonetheless. New friends and old friends, you've all been so very kind.
|Dad (bent down behind the wicket) playing cricket with his brother, George.|
I can't believe that in a little over a year I'm here again with the death of another parent. This time it's been quite different to how it was when my mum died. For a start, there's the coronavirus in our midst and although it hasn't made things harder, it has definitely changed the way things have to be done. It was quite easy to make an appointment at the register office when my mum died and we could take the death certificate away with us there and then but at the moment, the death has to be registered over the phone and the certificate posted out, so it was over a week until we received my dad's death certificate which has held us up with other admin jobs. When my mum died we had my dad to look after and I realise now just how much time we were devoting to him. It gave us a focus in those early days, and the weeks and months beyond. We've spent a lot of time caring for both my parents over the last few years. Although we dealt with the admin for my mum, it was nothing compared to everything we need to do now with money and property involved. It's going to be a long job.
|Dad did his National Service in the Royal Marines.|
We had the funeral on Friday. Unfortunately, because of coronavirus restrictions, we were only allowed ten people in the chapel at the crematorium and a further ten people were able to listen to the service through speakers outside. I was hoping that with the easing of Lockdown Daniel and Jasmine would be able to make it but they're being extra cautious as Jasmine is in a high-risk group, and I don't blame them one bit. It wasn't as though we could have a gathering after the funeral, we'll do that at a later date, so it would have been a case of them travelling home just for the service and it didn't seem right asking them to put Jasmine at risk for that. I know my dad would understand. The service was lovely though, we chose some music which I know my dad would have approved of, and although intimate, the service was a fitting tribute to him. The only thing which really spoilt it was how the ten chairs were laid out in the chapel, each and every one of those chairs were spaced at a distance so even people from the same household weren't allowed to sit together. Eleanor was so upset the whole way through the service and there was no one by her side to comfort her, how awful is that.
|Me and my dad at Appletreewick. My love of the Yorkshire Dales started early.|
We've received some beautiful cards and touching phone calls from family and friends who knew my dad well. I always enjoy hearing their memories of him and anecdotes. It's comforting to know he was so well thought of.
|On holiday in Skegness. My dad loved his holidays.|
It hasn't been easy for my dad over the past year and a bit since my mum died. As well as suffering from ill health, my mum's death hit him so hard. They'd been married for sixty three years and I doubt he'd have ever got over losing her even if he'd lived another sixty three years. It was so sad to see how much he missed the wife he was devoted to. It was very hard seeing my dad suffer in his final days, his death was not the one I would wish for anyone, he suffered so much pain. I'm thankful that I got to see him before he was totally out of it though and I was able to tell him that I loved him.The hospital were very kind. There's so many restrictions around visiting in place because of coronavirus but they were very accommodating. We were worried that we wouldn't get to see him before he died but we were able to spend quite a lot of time with him in his final days, and though it was distressing for us to see how much he was suffering, I was glad that we could be there.
|Posing with one of the many crown green bowling trophies he won over the years.|
My dad was 87, he lived a long and happy life but the only thing I can think about at the moment is the terrible death he had. I know this is something I'm going to have to get past but it's so fresh in my mind that it's very hard at the moment. It's also difficult dealing with the fact that I've now lost both my parents. I know I've been very lucky having them for the time I have, they both got to a good age and they had the pleasure of not only seeing how their children's lives panned out but they also got to watch their grandchildren grow up, I know some people aren't so fortunate.
|Mum and Dad celebrating 50 years of marriage back in 2006. They were married for a total of 63 years.|
Mick has been working from home since the start of the coronavirus pandemic so he's been here to help and support me these last few weeks. His work, yet again, have been brilliant allowing him all the time he needs to take, but he's been working in between. It makes it so much easier him working from home. Although there's still so many things to do, clearing my dad's flat and still so much admin to take care of, it's time to start getting back to some kind of normal, though it's going to be a very different normal to the one I know. We spent such a lot of time looking after my dad, especially since my mum died, life is going to be a far cry from the one I've been used to over the last few years.
Sending love, you are in my thoughts, this virus has taken the personal side of our lives away, we all need the basic contact and cuddles with friends and family. I hope you can work through these testing times and find your and your families normal. xxxxxReplyDelete
Lovely post dedicated to your dad.
I'm so sorry Jo, I know how difficult it is to cope with the dreadful end parts. The awful image of my mum's face when I saw her 10 minutes after she died still haunts me, 7 months later. I just have to think about her in happier, healthier times, but her deathbed will never leave me. I'm glad your husband is there with you.ReplyDelete
I've been thinking of you a lot, Jo. I hope things get easier for you in the not too distant future! Hugs!ReplyDelete
My heart goes out to you Jo, I'm sorry that your Dad suffered so much at the end it can't be easy for you having to think about that. It's a pity that they didn't consult you first about the spacing of the chairs in the chapel but I'm glad it was a nice service. I believe that your parents are together now and watching over you, sending hugs to you. xxxReplyDelete
So lovely to see the pictures of your Mum & Dad, their happiness shines through. I really feel for you, it's so tough to lose the ones you love. I hope everything that you need to organise runs smoothly. Take care. xReplyDelete
We really are living in strange times. I really feel for anyone losing a loved one because of the restrictions in place. As you say the new normal. I'm sorry for your loss and hope the process of dealing with your fathers affairs aren't too taxing. Take care of yourself. TxReplyDelete
Dear, Jo I feel your pain. 9 years since my mum died and I still feel her loss everyday. She had a long term illness ( emphysema ) for 20 years and was in constant pain and on oxygen 24/7. She needed a lot of care. Dad misses her terribly, but he gets on with life. It's been more difficult for him this year with the Coronavirus, but he's soldiered on. What can we do? Just be there for each other, a shoulder to cry on, arms to hold and comfort, an ear to listen, tender words to soothe; even if we're prevented from doing so literally we can still do so in our thoughts and actions. Sending love to you and your family. Love, Jane xReplyDelete
A heartfelt, and poignant, post. Take care. xxReplyDelete
lovely pictures xxx thinking of you and your family xReplyDelete
A beautiful post. I'm sorry you have had such a difficult time and your Dad suffered so much. It would be nice to think your parents are together again. I hope sorting out your Dad's affairs isn't too stressful for you. Sending my love to you xReplyDelete
Such a lovely post and tribute Jo, but I am so sorry that these present times has made everything more difficult.ReplyDelete
I send my good wishes as you and your family adjust and find your new normal.
All the best Jan
A beautiful and heartfelt post Jo my heart goes out to you. Sending you a hug and saying a prayer in the hope that it will bring some comfort.ReplyDelete
I am so sorry that you have had such a difficult time. It is not easy to lose a parent and then have to deal with all of the estate stuff. Sending you ((hugs)).ReplyDelete
Lovely photos of your Dad and a lovely tribute too. Take care :)ReplyDelete
I remember how abandoned I felt after my parents were both gone. Even though both parents had been suffering at the end and their passing was a blessing for them... and I was in my mid 40's, I still felt like I was about 4 years old and wanted my mommy. Thankfully that stage didn't last too terribly long but 15 years later I still catch myself wanting to call them to tell them some bit of exciting news. I think it just takes time. Good luck with all the estate stuff. I have never in my life been so thankful to have an older, in charge sister. Please know you remain in my thoughts.ReplyDelete
Watching your Dad go through a painful death is indeed traumatic, so please be gentle with yourself in the days, weeks, months to to come. Knowing the loss of your mother is still so fresh adds yet another layer of grief on your heart. Good that your husband is able to be close at hand for support. Take care of yourself and each other.ReplyDelete
What a difficult time for you all. I know what you mean about it being different when one parent passes but you still have the other to focus on. While the main concern after my mother-in-law passed was how to care for my father-in-law, once he too passed it was an entirely different set of issues with property, etc. We were fortunate in that it was just my husband and brother-in-law and everything went very smoothly with zero friction, but even so, it took over a year to get things in order. I'm glad that Mick is at home and can provide you with whatever support you need in the weeks to come.ReplyDelete
Jo, no two stories are the same, but our fathers' deaths sound painfully similar. My father was not afraid to die, but he was afraid it would be painful.. and I m so sorry to say it was. I will never forget the pain he endured. He begged for prayers to relieve his pain. Anyhow, The is a book, The Orphaned Adult, by Levy that is wonderful and sensitive . Someday you many want to read it. Also, Garrison Kellers, Good Poems For Hard Times, is lovely. Im praying for you. The one thing that gave me peace was my fathers funeral Mass. I can't image how it would have been during Covid. IM so sorry that added to your sorrows. Hugs and more hugs, and a cup of tea.ReplyDelete
Love and hugs to you all. xReplyDelete
I'm so glad you were able to see your Dad at the end and have the funeral, ten people is quite good in the scheme of things with the virus around. We have only just got the probate through after Mum died in January, still not finished with everything, it does take a long time.ReplyDelete
It must be difficult for all of you just now, especially under the present circumstances. I hope time will help ease your pain and that your lasting memories of your parents will be happy ones. XxReplyDelete
So very sorry to hear your sad news. Losing a Dad and so soon after your Mum is terribly hard and made even more so no doubt by these strange times we are living through.ReplyDelete
My only advice as someone who lost a much loved Mum in Law and then my Dad within 5 months of each other, is to be gentle with yourself and give yourself so much more time than you think you will need. xx
This post is a lovely tribute to your dad Jo. Lovely photos of happy times too. You need to focus on those happy times now more than ever and remember him as he was then. Take care xxReplyDelete
I'm so sorry for your loss Jo. I'm sure that, with time, you'll start to remember all the happy times, and when you think of him you'll smile instead of feeling sad.ReplyDelete
This is a lovely post, thank you for sharing these photos, he had a very kind face and a lovely smile.
A lovely post Jo. I so understand what you are going through having lost a husband, father and brother. A roller coaster ride of hope, despair and heartache. I think you are taking the right approach by expressing your feelings, and now moving on one day at a time. Much love being sent to you virtually as you start a new chapter in this book called life.💖ReplyDelete
So sorry to hear this, sending hugs. look after yourself. xReplyDelete
Just caught up on this post Jo & it was lovely reading & seeing some photos of your parents & realising 63 years together. Wow! Got your email too. Take care, stay safe & huggles.ReplyDelete
How awful not to have been able to sit with your family at the funeral. Both my parents died fairly young my sister was only in her 20s when we lost my mum and my dad died six years later. You don’t feel like the same person do you. You sort of feel really grown up for the first time. I do hate it when I hear people meaning about their parents and think that they don’t realise just how lucky they are.ReplyDelete
Jo, both your parents sound so lovely and I know you will miss them so much. My Dad had a horrible time after my Mother died, he lived another three years and I swear the only thing that kept him going was the delight he had at a brand new grandson with special needs that warmed his heart. My Mother was ill such a long time before she passed, I have yet to really remember her before she got ill and she has been gone for 6 years now. I miss my dad everyday. I want to hear his opinion about the state of the world, and yet part of me is so thrilled he is not here to see all this mess. You have had so much to deal with, and I have been sending you positive loving thoughts as you travel this very tough time. Try to breathe, try to be kind to yourself and grieve when you need to. Don't hold back. With love, MeredithReplyDelete
What a heartfelt and wonderful post. Your love for your parents shines through all your words. Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with us as you begin the slow process of grieving, administering your dad's estate in the midst of a very uncertain time in this country. You have been in my thoughts this past few weeks and will continue to for weeks to come. I hope you can find the time to look after you amidst everything that needs to be done.ReplyDelete
Awwww how sad not being able to sit together and comfort each other, such a strange world we live in now. I'm so glad everything went as well as it could given the circumstances. It will be hard to adjust Jo, hopefully time will help. Be kind to yourself and go forwards gently. Love and hugs.xxxReplyDelete
How awful, Jo, not to be able to sit together at your Dad's funeral. I am so sorry. You have wonderful memories of him -- may they help you to keep going. Still in my prayers. P.xReplyDelete