Saturday, 28 March 2020

A Year Without My Mum

It's a year today since my mum died. I can't believe that a whole year has passed and that I haven't seen her for that long.


In some ways it feels as though it all happened just a few short months ago, but it has been a year and we've now done the 'firsts' of everything. The first Christmas without her, the first Mother's Day, the first birthday card I received from my dad without her name being on the card. These 'firsts' can be very emotional but we've managed to get through them.


My dad is still finding it very hard without her. Combined with his own bad health, his moods are very low most of the time. I know the doctor would be able to help and give him something to lift his spirits but he won't discuss his feeling with healthcare professionals. He doesn't seem to have any trouble letting us know exactly how he's feeling though, it can be very draining.


Our movements are restricted because of the coronavirus so we're unable to visit the grounds at the crematorium today where we have a memorial stone for my mum and my sister. Instead, I've bought some flowers which I'll have at home, and I've also ordered a beautiful rose bush, named Sheila's Perfume. I shall grow this in a container in the garden in memory of my mum and where I can enjoy it throughout the year. I don't need any special day or reminders to think about my mum though, she's in my thoughts all the time.

33 comments:

  1. My mum never leaves my thoughts, even after 15 years, it is sad you can not visit her today, but as a loving mum she would want you to stay safe, sending love to you xxxx

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  2. So sorry. The flowers are beautiful. Stay safe and well x

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  3. What a lovely idea to have a rose bush in memory of your Mum, is Sheila her name? I found Mother's Day very hard. Although I now have some of Mum's ashes in 3 garden tubs with shrubs in, I'm missing having her ashes on the mantelpiece, odd as it may sound. I think the next time we are able to go up to the Midlands to see my sister, who has Mum's ashes, I might bring some more back home with me so I can have a little container on the mantelpiece again. Thinking of you today.

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    1. Yes, her name's Sheila. I looked for a rose bush with Mum in its name, or something else relating to her. Sheila's Perfume sounds perfect, it's scented, which is a little ironic really as my mum lost her sense of smell a lot of years ago after a bout of illness, but I do love scented roses, and it's a beautiful colour.

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  4. It's hard to believe that our loved one's have really gone isn't it? We lost Tom's brother years ago and yet I still sometimes think he will walk through the door. I think you have the right attitude to not need special reminders, these loved one's are with us till the end whether they are here or passed on. Lots of hugs to you.
    Briony
    x

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  5. Thinking of you and your family today, Jo. Xx

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  6. grief and time are a strange concept, my lovely dad died nearly 16 years ago, the years have flown by so quickly but i also feel as if it's been forever since i saw him, i think about him every day, the roses for your mum are beautiful and the rose bush is a lovely idea, please know i'm thinking of you today, i don't comment very often but i really enjoy your blog xx

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  7. I understand. My mom died over 30 years ago, but I miss her everyday and often talk to her. I love your idea of the rosebush for your mom, think how happy it must make her.

    Take care of yourself.

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  8. Sending you a hug I’m 3 years in from losing my husband, they are always in your thoughts. Heather

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  9. Hugs, Jo. Thinking of you today. The roses are beautiful.

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  10. A heartfelt post which I really empathize with. That sounds like a lovely rose. xx

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  11. It's hard to imagine that a year has passed already.
    The flowers are beautiful, and the rose bush is lovely idea, I know I get comfort from my cherry blossom tree.
    Take care
    xx

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  12. You are in my thoughts today.

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  13. Oh Jo, I am so sorry to read about your Dad’s mental health - on top of everything else you are carrying a heavy load at present.

    My email to you was sent before I had seen this post - ignore it. The roses are absolutely beautiful, I hope having them gives you a little comfort.

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  14. God bless it must be really hard for you. Take care.

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  15. I'm sending you lots of love - it's tough being without your Mum and you're never too old to think that you don't need her to be around any more xx

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  16. Gentle hugs, my Dear...

    So draining, on grown children, when parents get so unknowing... That they do not see, how their refusal to get medical help, for depression... But continue to make their adult children, their sounding boards... How bad this is for their adult children's health!!!

    Try to remember this, when you are the old parent. -smile- We already are thus, but thankfully, we still know not to do this. But then, we still have each other. -smile-

    More gentle hugs...
    🌸🌸🌸🌸

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  17. A lovely post Jo.
    Lovely flowers, and a very good idea with the rose bush.
    Thinking of you and your family … especially today.

    All the best Jan

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  18. Such beautiful roses. I love the colours.

    Take care.

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  19. A memory post, especially in these hard times when you can't venture out, is a lovely thought. I do feel for your Dad, as my Dad struggled too at his loss. A special rose in a special pot sounds great. Take care Jo, stay safe & big hugs.

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  20. Ahhh, what a lovely way to remember your mum. Oh goodness, yes, the first year is so traumatic! Your poor dad, mine was the same when my mum died, as you say it can be draining. Hugs.xxx

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  21. With love to you Jo.
    It's 14 years since I lost dad and some days it feels like it could have been yesterday. We move on learn to cope as best we can.
    A lovely idea to have a rose bush in your garden.

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  22. Beautiful flowers for a marvellous Mum. The year seems to have flown, probably not for you though. How are you managing with your Dad at the moment, it must be very difficult not seeing him.

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    1. I'm still seeing my dad. He can't cope on his own so we're still having to go and help him out, though I must admit that Mick's going more than I am, simply because he's doing the shopping as he's the driver. It makes sense one of us doing it rather than us both.

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  23. A beautiful and heartfelt post, thinking of your Jo, at this time of memory and sadness. xx

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  24. Sending hugs. The days are hard but the memories are wonderful. My Gran was my favourite person in the world and I still think about her every day and it has been 22 years now, we just learn a new way of living. x

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  25. Beautifully said, I understand what you're going through. My Dad, now 94 had a very hard time when Mom passed 10 years ago. Beautiful flowers, love the idea of planting the rose bush. Your own memorial and memory there in your yard. Stay well, and wash your hands.
    Sandy's Space

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  26. My biggest hugs to you. Shiela's perfume will be so so lovely. I talk to my mo mom a lot. My father died in December, and Im reminded of him, but there was no one like my mom

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  27. Can you still manage to visit your dad?

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    1. Yes, we're still going to visit my dad as we have to help him out, his health is such that he can't do everything for himself any longer. We're not going as often as we did, and Mick's going more than I am, simply because he's the driver now that I no longer have a car. It makes sense for just one of us to go where possible.

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  28. The rose Bush sounds like a beautiful way to honor your Mom's memory. At a previous house I had a memory garden I had planted. We lived there for many years and I also included beloved pets.πŸ’– I also had a Friendship patch. Friends would share one of their special plants from their own gardens. I do understand what it's like to be a caregiver to a parent. It's not a bed of roses! The upside of it is that we still have them with us!

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  29. Sending hugs to you JO, I know this year has been difficult for you. I think planting the rose bush in memory of your mum is a great idea. Take care xx

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  30. So sorry Jo. It's hard. You've had the sadness as special days have come around this year and now with these restrictions life has become a real challenge with public places closed and travel limited to essential situations. I'm glad that you or your husband can get to your Dad's to help him with practical needs, but hard to lift his mood when he's not well and feeling low. Growing the special rose in memory of your dear Mum is a lovely thing to do. I know she's in your thoughts all the time. Take care Jo. x

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