It's a year today since my mum died. I can't believe that a whole year has passed and that I haven't seen her for that long.
In some ways it feels as though it all happened just a few short months ago, but it has been a year and we've now done the 'firsts' of everything. The first Christmas without her, the first Mother's Day, the first birthday card I received from my dad without her name being on the card. These 'firsts' can be very emotional but we've managed to get through them.
My dad is still finding it very hard without her. Combined with his own bad health, his moods are very low most of the time. I know the doctor would be able to help and give him something to lift his spirits but he won't discuss his feeling with healthcare professionals. He doesn't seem to have any trouble letting us know exactly how he's feeling though, it can be very draining.
Our movements are restricted because of the coronavirus so we're unable to visit the grounds at the crematorium today where we have a memorial stone for my mum and my sister. Instead, I've bought some flowers which I'll have at home, and I've also ordered a beautiful rose bush, named Sheila's Perfume. I shall grow this in a container in the garden in memory of my mum and where I can enjoy it throughout the year. I don't need any special day or reminders to think about my mum though, she's in my thoughts all the time.