Auntie Beryl

I was hoping that 2021 was going to be a better year after what's turned out to be a very difficult couple of years for me but we've started the year off with more sad news. I got a phone call a couple of days ago from my cousin telling me that my Auntie Beryl had died. She was my mum's elder sister, a particular favourite auntie of mine and my mum and her were always very close.

So here's the weird thing. On New Years Eve I went to bed and dreamt about my mum and my Auntie Beryl. I woke up on New Year's Day with the feeling that my Auntie Beryl had died. It wasn't until the following day that my cousin rang and told me she'd died before the new year.

This photo is of my mum and her five sisters. My mum is second on the right with my Auntie Beryl sitting next to her on the end of the row. Sadly, my Auntie Janet, sitting on the other side of my mum, is the only sister left living, and none of their husbands are with us any longer either. It was very rare that all six sisters got together so my mum always cherished this photo.

I try to keep upbeat. It's been quite hard over the last couple of years with my parent's illnesses and their subsequent deaths. The coronavirus and all the associated restrictions last year have been very trying but I've still put a brave face on everything. I have to admit though that I'm finding it very tough at the moment. It just seems that it's bad news after bad news. Obviously, family deaths are hard to deal with at the best of times, but we're back under new coronavirus restrictions again with the threat of more restrictions to come and it's all beginning to take it's toll. 

I miss Daniel and Jasmine. They live 200 miles away, which doesn't seem that far, but they may as well be at the other side of the world at the moment because the restrictions mean that we can't travel away from our immediate area, and even if we could, they're having to be extra cautious because Jasmine's classed as high risk so they're being very careful. I just wish they lived closer.

My mum and dad's deaths have hit me hard this Christmas, they've never been out of my thoughts. The grieving process is an ongoing thing and I suppose it will take a very long time until I come to the end of it.

When I'm feeling a bit down I try to get myself out for a walk as I truly believe that a change of scenery and some fresh air does wonders. It may not be a cure all but it can definitely lift the spirits. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to leave the house since before Christmas as I'm having some medical issues and this really hasn't helped my mood. I was supposed to be having an investigative procedure at the hospital today but that hasn't been possible which is making me feel even more down in the dumps. I should say here that it's nothing to worry about but I don't want to go into detail about it due to the personal nature.

I won't be able to attend my Auntie Beryl's funeral because there's still restrictions on numbers. It really is a sorry state of affairs.

Goodness, this really is a woe is me post, though I know that many of you have felt, or are still feeling, this way. I suppose it's only natural with the way things are. Who knows how long all this is going to go on for. I really need to start feeling more positive but that's easier said than done with everything that's going on at present. I'm never usually so downbeat but I suppose the saying 'at the end of your tether' really is true and I've just about reached mine. I do try to keep my blog positive but life isn't always a bed of roses and I suppose this post just reflects that.