Up Days And Down Days

I've been having some up days and some down days since my mum died, which I suppose is only natural. The first week or so was very hard with the organisation of the funeral, and everything that has to be done when someone dies, left mainly to Mick and myself. My dad isn't in the best of health and with the added grief on top it's been very difficult for him, so we've been spending as much time as we can with him on top of everything else.

Mum as a little girl. This is the earliest photo I have of her.

I was so pleased to see Eleanor when she arrived home from university for the Easter holidays. She had been home for a week before Daniel and Jasmine arrived for a further week, a trip which was organised before my mum died but actually worked out well as we had the funeral on the Monday of that week. Getting everyone home for the funeral was one less thing to worry about as everyone was already here. It was nice to have a full house for nearly a week after the funeral, it gave me less time to sit and brood, though this is the time when the grief really hit home.

Mum (on the left) in her teens with her friend.

The funeral itself went as well as these things can. I've always known that my mum was such a special person but it's been so moving to hear from other people how she touched their lives with her kindness and caring nature, a sentiment which I've heard over and over again these past few weeks. She went out of her way to help others, especially through hard times in their lives and also at times when my mum was having a difficult time herself. We will shortly be scattering her ashes with my sister who died twenty years ago this coming July, they would have wanted to be together.

Mum and Dad shortly after they'd met.

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind and touching comments on my last post, and especially for the many wonderful cards and emails I've received from many of you, they're so very much appreciated. To know that you're being thought about at times like these helps in a way I can't explain, it's like the grief is being shared in a way. Each message I've received has been very special to me and I can't thank you enough.

Mum with Daniel twenty four years ago.

My mum was knocked out with a cocktail of drugs before she died but not long before she passed away she did come round sufficiently to tell us all that she loved us and we were able to tell her that we loved her too, I'm very grateful for that. Life now will never be the same again, she will be missed so much until the day I die, she's left a hole that will never be filled. Mums are very special people and mine was the best, it's so hard knowing that I'll never see her again, I think that's the hardest thing to come to terms with.

Mum loved her holidays abroad with us.

Daniel and Jasmine left on Sunday and Eleanor's gone back to university today. Mick's taken quite a bit of time off work since my mum died, his company have been brilliant allowing him to spend time with me, sometimes working from home but more often than not doing things which needed to be done and being on comforting duty, but he's also back to the old routine again now so this is where my life really starts without my mum. I know it's going to be very hard but I've got to try and get on with it in the best way I can, besides, I know that's what my mum would want.